Slow.

I have pretty much taken this week off from doing anything productive outside of work. This weekend I’m travelling to visit my brother two states away. This time I’m going with my husband so there won’t be any parent drama.

I’m horny and still haven’t had any new encounters. I just don’t feel sexy. I feel like an ugly dumpy housewife.

When I was super busy with school and work and being married I was much more productive. Now that I have all the time in the world to get things done, nothing happens. I have no idea how to get my butt motivated anymore.

Here’s what I wish would happen. One day I get a call from a local spa. They want to give me a weekend of pampering for free. I want to feel like a girl again. You know, get my hair done, get a massage, get a facial, that sort of thing. Then I want to meet a gorgeous guy somewhere like the library or grocery store. He’ll flirt with me and I’ll give him my phone number. He’ll call and say he wants to meet me and my husband for drinks. Things go well and we all end up fucking for hours in a hotel room. Then the next day I’ll be floating in pleasure still and start to get things done. I’ll finish the revisions of my dissertation topic proposal, and meet with my committee to get started on writing. Then I’ll spend an entire day cleaning my house and getting it totally organized. Then I’ll put the finishing touches on my CV (academic resume) and get it ready to be sent out if I ever find any job openings. Then one magic day in November I will get a call from a small university in Maine saying that they have granted me an on-campus interview. I go to the interview and nail it. They hire me a week later. Then I can start planning on moving to the small town in Maine. At that point my life will be perfect. I don’t even care about the status of my dissertation at that point. As long as I have a job, I WILL BE TOTALLY HAPPY!

Ok, now if this ever does happen this way. I’ll be totally shocked. Most likely the way it will happen is that I’ll sit here for three years before I even get an on-campus interview, then I’ll blow it and have to wait three more years to get another one. Then I’ll decide that I cannot make it in academia and take a job as a waitress. kill me now

Why is it still summer?!!

Where I grew up the evenings would already be getting quite chilly and there would be very few days in the 80s. Humidity? ABSOLUTLEY NOT! Back to school time meant goodbye summer and hello autumn. It has been cooler this week and it should stay that way for the rest of it. But I know that 80-90 degree days will return before autumn actually hits. And winter here? It doesn’t come until mid to late December! Ok, maybe a little sooner, but it’s never really cold. My first winter here four years ago I only wore my winter coat once. The people here complain that the winters are unbearably cold, but I never thought so. For one, it’s rarely windy. Also, if it gets really cold, it warms up the next day. Snow never lasts longer than three days tops.

I get super super horny once the temperatures take a turn for the cooler end of the spectrum. Yep, snow turns me on. Ok, it’s not the actual snow, but rather the fact that I can snuggle up under a blanket in front of my fireplace naked with my husband and have lots of fun. Or meet a new lover for the first time when it’s wicked cold outside. I don’t know why, but the thought of that makes me horny…..

Does this make me an “Ice Queen?” lol

Well, I didn’t get it, but…

I did not win the position, but I gained something even better today. I feel more confident about my playing than I have in years. I feel more motivated to succeed than I have in months. I don’t feel sad about losing the position. Maybe it will hit me later, but I’m very proud of the way I played so I don’t feel like I lost at all. I feel relief more than anything actually.

BRING ON THE MEN!!!!!

I love music.

I love music. That’s all I need to say tonight.

I’ve come a long way.

I just got home from playing a string quartet gig. I have played too many gigs to count since I started when I was in high school. I remember daydreaming while suffering through another crappy wedding gig back in the tiny town I grew up in. I was imagining when someday I would get to perform in glamorous settings for good money; playing with people I considered friends as well as colleagues. Well, tonight I realized that I have made it to that point. We were playing for a chamber of commerce event on the rooftop terrace of a swanky downtown hotel. The setting was ideal. It was pretty hot outside, but we were well shaded, had good comfortable chairs, and were being served bottles of expensive water while we played. The wait staff was very professional and someone even put out a table for us to display our business cards! There were flowers and ice sculptures everywhere. The people were beautiful and respectful. No drunken antics even though the alcohol was freely flowing. It makes me feel really good to see how far I have come from performing in a dusty country church on a dirt road for people who don’t know even appreciate the music we were playing to a fancy well put together event like the one tonight. And it can only get better from here.

With all that said, though, now my next gig will probably end up being in a country church!!! lol

I accidentally blew my husband.

To continue on the accidental theme, after my unplanned masturbation session last night I went to bed and was still horny. I think this was due to my sexy husband sleeping like a cute little guy. I just had to start playing with his cock. I could smell him and I could not resist starting something. He started to wake up, confused, but moaning. Before he was fully awake I had his hard cock buried in my mouth. We didn’t speak, I just kept working his cock in my mouth until I made him shoot down my throat. After he came back to reality a bit, he asked what had brought that on. I just told him that he deserved it for being so cute while sleeping. You see, he RARELY goes to bed before me because of his work schedule (2pm-11pm). It was such a treat to come to bed and attack him the way he usually does to me. Tonight we went out for dinner and he suddenly he got this goofy look on his face. I asked him what he was thinking about, and he told me that he hated me and loved me all at once. He said that he was exhausted all day at work (he had to go in for normal business hours today, that’s why he went to bed first), but that he absolutely loved what I did last night. That made me feel good that he was thinking about me like that all day. I’m really lucky to have a guy like him.

Oops.

I just “accidentally” masturbated. Oops.

Patience.

I have to have patience. I’m getting antsy and just want to get this audition over with. I have been practicing a good amount the past few days and I feel great about how I’m playing everything. I like all the excerpts and love my solo piece. Now I just have to get through the next 6 days. I’m also trying to do this without having sex all week. We’ll see how long that lasts. But it will make it a bit easier to focus. On days when I have sex in the morning I’m a lot less productive. Does this happen for anyone else? Or am I the only one who turns into a zombie after sex?

I hate women.

I think the biggest problem facing the country today is women who “aren’t interested” in sex anymore. These women are ruining the country for everyone. They leave their husbands horny and wondering why. I wish they would just open their legs and enjoy sex. Or, better yet, just stay unmarried and stop ruining the lives of these poor men. Ok, not all women are to blame for the lack of sex happening in America. There might be one or two men who have low libidos. On the other hand the men who have problems getting it up or just don’t feel like sex are probably damaged after years of being beat down by their woman refusing sex every day.

Yes, that’s right. I’m a woman who is blaming America’s lack of sex on women. Sex is not an option. It’s a human need just like food, shelter, and water. You simply can’t turn off your man’s sex drive just because you are too lazy to feel good enough about yourself to want to have sex with him.

Let’s get a little crazy and say that the lack of sex in America is the root of all evil in the country today. Maybe if we all got laid a little more there would be less war and fighting. There might be less focus on these incredibly stupid celebrities and more focus on feeling good about ourselves.

So, women, strip down naked, lock the kids (if you have them) in their rooms and suck your man’s cock for once!!!!

DISCLAIMER: Not all men are worthy of such actions. If he isn’t worthy then carry on with your lives. Or better yet, find yourselves a real man on the side.

Edit: I think maybe I should change the disclaimer to be more specific. Men who are undeserving of sex are the following types of man: lazy non-working slobs, abusive bastards, cheating liars, guys who refuse to brush their teeth because they are too STUPID, etc.

I’m obsessed.

I am totally obsessed with the Gnarls Barkley album “St. Elsewhere.” After hearing the song “Crazy” on the radio I had to buy the cd because I loved it so much. I popped the cd in as I drove home from the store and had to keep driving so I could keep listening. I was hooked instantly. I have never fallen for a cd faster than I fell for this one. For me, music is the most important aspect of my life. I like most kinds of music, and even though a Mahler symphony is great music, this cd is, too. I’m not a snob about my music. If it is well made, interesting, and meaningful then it gets my endorsement.

Tonight I was in a different town teaching high school kids, and as I drove home I crossed the Mississippi River over a beautiful bridge just as the sunset was beginning to fade out. A rain storm had just blown through and half the sky was clouds and half darkening blue sky. It was one of the most beautiful sights I’ve seen in a long time. It was made more meaningful because I was listening to my new favorite cd. There is a line in the song “Crazy” that I especially like. “Even your emotions have an echo in so much space.”

What a great drive home…… much needed moment for me.