I had to do it.

I had to fix things again. I guess that’s just part of being married. My husband just doesn’t know what to do with me when I’m upset. I keep telling him all he has to do is hug me or just touch my arm or something and comfort me. It’s pretty simple. This time I just had to pick myself up and try to get back to normal. So I pounced on him and started sucking his cock. Works every time! I feel so much better today!

I’m sad.

I’m sad and he’s not comforting me. Today my heart was broken and he doesn’t understand. He didn’t cause the heartbreak - my health insurance company did. They won’t cover a new treatment I need for something (it’s not life threatening just embarassing). For a few weeks I felt like I might actually be able to get rid of this condition, but now I’ll have it until I die or get a new insurance company first. Now more than ever I need to get a job.

I feel sad and there is nobody to comfort me. Why is it that he won’t comfort me unless he thinks I have a real reason to be sad? Why do I feel like I have to prove that I should be allowed to be sad. He hasn’t hugged me in over a day.

Last night he told me I don’t do anything. He’s mad that I’m not writing my dissertation. I know I should be writing it, but I decided to take a break for part of the summer and then start over because I hit huge roadblocks both in my mind and in my committee. I have made the decision that I will start working on it again after the 4th of July. I guess this means that he won’t love me until I finish my dissertation. That sucks….

Coasting.

I seem to be coasting through summer. Things are going well enough. I seem to keep myself busy even though I’m not currently working on my dissertation.

My husband and I met up with some friends this past weekend and it was pretty fun. We met a couple I met through this blog. It’s Amyelle and Tony. They are in my friends list on the right and frequently comment here. Here is a list of awesome details:

~arrived in Kansas City Friday night. Hung out for a while then went to bed.

~Saturday went to Boulevard Brewery for a kick-ass tour. AND FREE BEER.

~Bought a bunch of Boulevard beer on the way back to the hotel.

~Ate barbeque for dinner.

~Drank copius amounts of beer while playing “I Never,” a drinking game I personally hadn’t played since college. It was fun to get crazy with hot friends.

~Tony kissed me in the elevator a couple of times when we went downstairs to smoke. It was FREAKING AWESOME. Both of us are very shy so I was glad he did that.

~We all got naked and it was a ton of fun. Details? Nope. lol Gotta keep you coming back hoping I wrote about them. I’ll just say that I interacted intimately with everybody there. Amy and Tony are both hot and I enjoyed every minute of it.

It was a good weekend, and I hope I get to see them again soon.

I have been doing a good amount of partying with friends here in town, too. Tonight I went to my friends’ house after work. This is the girl my husband and I might someday hook up with but probably not. I got to see her tits tonight. AWESOME.

Right now I’m in an insatiably horny stage. I wish every day of my life was like this, but it seems to come and go for no real reason. I had sex three times within a 12 hour period between Monday night to Tuesday morning. It was awesome. I was sore all day Tuesday and still horny so we had sex last night and this morning, too. I had to masturbate this afternoon because I was chatting with a friend online and he got me horny as usual. He knows who he is… lol.

I’ll be kind of busy the rest of this week. I actually have gigs! It’s coming up on the 4th of July so that means outdoor patriotic concerts. yay. I actually hate them because it’s always so hot I feel like I’m melting. But the payoff is the fireworks.

I need to go get fucked now.

I’m worried.

I’m really worried about you. I think you’ll know who you are if you read this. I will always be here to listen. Email me so I know you are ok.

Tagged yet again.

I got tagged…..again. If I knew how to put a link in here I’d link you back to his blog, but you can just click over in the friends list on the sidebar - it’s Tony.

I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

1. I eat sunflower seeds all the time. It’s how I helped myself quit smoking back in 2003 and now I’m addicted to them. My husband makes fun of me because after I’ve been eating them when I take off my bra one or two shells fall out.

2. I love to eat steak, but only if it’s made at home. I have to have it a certain way (only 8 oz. New York strip, and LOTS of salt on it with a little pepper and that’s it), and I would rather not waste the money on a steak I don’t like in a restaurant.

3. I don’t like chocolate. I’ll eat it sometimes, but unlike 99% of women in this country I do not ever crave it.

4. I LOVE video games, but I’m not allowed to play them until my dissertation is finished. My favorites are any Zelda game, puzzle games like Tetris, and the Sims - especially the Playboy Mansion version.

5. I like it when fireflies hit my windshield. It’s really cool when they hit the windshield because they still glow after they bite the dust. Where I grew up there were no fireflies so when I moved here and saw them I could barely believe my eyes. Behind my house is a huge empty field that is a corn field ever other year and it’s full of fireflies. The whole field glows and flickers at night from sundown until about 11pm. AMAZING!

6. When I was a kid my brother, sister and I made up a dance to “Money for Nothing” by Dire Straights. You know, the I want my MTV song. The dance involved jumping off the couch onto the couch cushions, and it was VERY dramatic. We had a 45 of the single we bought at the drug store on the corner. We bought a ton of those little records. I think they came from an old jukebox that got converted to CDs.

7. I’ve never been to a strip club when I wasn’t working. Wait!! Before all you sickos assume I was the one stripping think again. I delievered pizzas during my undergrad and I had to deliver pizzas to the local strip club. I was so embarrased that I couldn’t look at anything except the floor until I walked out. I guess I was much different back then.

8. I’m scared of the Muppets. Yep. They freak me out.

I have nobody to tag….

Last Monday.

This happened last Monday, but I have been enjoying my summer and my clean house and have been very bad about blogging. There is a man I chat with from time to time. He lives very far away from me, but we chat once in a while. We chat about the most wonderful things - mainly sex, but he’s also very intelligent and fun to talk to. And he’s incredibly hot. Really fucking hot. If he lived closer to me I’d be playing with him all the time.

I was chatting with him for a while last Monday afternoon. He had sent me a few pics of his “equipment” and I was telling him how much I enjoyed them. This took place while my mother was sitting across the table from me doing sudoku puzzles.

This guy was getting me so horny I could feel how wet I was. It was almost painful how badly I wanted to just run up to my bedroom lock the door and masturbate until I felt better. But not while my parents were here.

I spent the rest of the day with my parents and that night after they went to bed I was watching tv in the living room with my husband. While sitting there I just kept thinking about my chat with my friend earlier in the day. I told my husband about it and he put his hand in my pants to rub my clit. He was surprised at how wet I was and said he really wanted to lick me. He rubbed my clit and told me to fantasize about the guy I was chatting with. He wouldn’t let me cum. He would rub my clit until I was close and then stop just before I started to cum. It was maddening! Of course it’s quite the testiment to how well he knows my body because I wasn’t making any noises and I was controlling my breathing as normal. He just seemed to know when to stop.

Next, he had me go print out one of the pics the guy had sent me. After it finished printing we went upstairs to our bedroom so he could lick me while I looked at the picture. I had to be completely silent, but it was incredible. He told me to say his name when I came. I wanted nothing more than to scream it out at that point because it just felt so good, but I just whispered it quietly. It took everything in me not to scream because it felt sooooooooooo good. My husband was extremely turned on by the whole situation. He loves knowing I’m fantasizing about another man at his request. I didn’t want to fuck because I didn’t want my parents to hear it, but he wasn’t taking no for an answer so we got on the floor and he made me look at my friend’s cock pic while fucked me hard and made me cum again before be exploded inside me.

Unintentional drought.

I need sex. I need to fuck. I need to cum so hard I don’t come down for days. I need to feel so turned on that the slightest flick of the finger on my clit will make me explode with pleasure. I need a mouth on my mouth. I need a mouth on my nipples. I need to feel a tongue on my clit. I need to feel a hard cock inside me. I need to get fucked so hard it hurts.

I NEED MY STUPID PARENTS TO LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love my students!

I just got home from the last of two recitals I held for my students to perform. I always love going to these recitals because I get to sit back and enjoy seeing them all play. It’s neat to see them get nervous and to smile when they finish. It gives me a new perspective on their personalities. Tonight I also had new thoughts on performing in general.

If any of you have performed a solo in a recital you’ll know this feeling. It’s your turn to play and you walk up to the stage quickly because you don’t want the people to get bored waiting for you. Once you are up there your brain is screaming, “This is happening too fast.” You just start playing because you are excruciatingly aware that everyone is looking at you and you don’t want to bore them by just waiting around. At this point in my career I love that moment. I love knowing that everyone is waiting in anticipation for me to begin.

As a performer it’s my job to show the audience my version of the piece I’m playing. I’m the one in control. I’m calling all the shots, and they have no choice but to listen to me. That feeling is addictive. It’s my chance to manipulate people. In fact, they showed up willing to be manipulated. I love to make audience members enjoy my performance without even knowing why. I have learned to have a stage presence that collects everyone’s attention and focuses it on me for as long as I want them to. Every movement I make is calculated. Every facial expression is helping to tell the story. I don’t stand perfectly still. I move with the music. Some people have described it as looking like I’m dancing, and in a way I am dancing. However, I don’t move as a reaction to the music like a dancer does. My movements are part of the music as it’s being created.

Sorry for the lack of sex posts and just posts in general. I haven’t had much to write about in the past week. My parents are coming for a visit tomorrow night so there’s much cleaning to be done tonight.

In two weeks I’ll have awesome stories to tell….as long as the parties involved consent to me telling all about it. I’ll have to ask. I’ll still be posting as regularly as I can.

I’ve been tagged.

I have been tagged by AmyElle

1. Go to the Billboard #1 Hits listings (scroll down and you’ll see them separated by decades on the left in the sidebar)
2. Pick the year you turned 18
3. Get yourself nostalgic over the songs of the year
4. Pick 5 songs and write something about how these songs affected you
5. Pass it on to 5 more friends

I turned 18 in 1995. Since I grew up in North Dakota we didn’t have top 40 radio, and my parents had MTV blocked after my mom heard them talking about oral sex on the Real World. That means that pretty much the only place I heard new music was by accident or several years after it was cool. I had to read through the entire list to come up with some songs that I actually recognized. lol

1. Cotten Eye Joe - Rednex. I remember my brother and our friends would sing along to this song and we couldn’t figure out what some of the words were so we just said “Get out the bitch for Cotten Eye Joe” instead of “If it hadn’t been for Cotten Eye Joe”. Personally I like Get out the bitch better.

2. New Age Girl - Dead Eye Dick. I saw Dead Eye Dick live from the front row at a show in the Magic Kingdom in Disney World my junior year of HS. This is the song with the line, “She don’t eat meat, but she sure like the bone.” At the show I was EXTREMELY sunburned because it was cloudy at the beach earlier that day and I didn’t reapply sunscreen….big mistake. You can still burn even if the sun isn’t out.

3. Kiss From A Rose - Seal. This song has an oboe in it. That was way cool to me. I actually remember this song more for a few years later when I used to have phone sex with the guy I ended up marrying. I’d put this CD in and have it on in the background while he talked dirty to me and made me cum for him over and over and over and… well you get the idea.

4. I Like It, I Love It - Tim McGraw. First of all let me say that I DO NOT LIKE COUNTRY MUSIC. It’s not all bad, but the country-pop garbage that people like Tim McGraw spew out makes me want to jam my ears shut with chewing gum. Well I remember this song because they always played it at school dances my senior year and the dance floor would completely clear except for the farm kids. hilarious.

5. You Oughta Know - Alanis Morissette. Yet another one I remember because I HATE ALANIS MORISSETTE. I worked as a telemarketer my junior and senior years and my supervisor would blast this song in her car on breaks while she chainsmoked cigarettes with the windows completely closed….weirdo.

Now, to tag five others:

Um, I don’t know five other people who keep blogs that are still around and not already tagged by AmyElle. The only one I can think of who I’d LOVE to see her answers is Mistress. I won’t be linking her here, but maybe she’ll see this.