Out of town….again!

I’m out of town on business again. Gotta love the life of a musician. However, this winter has made even getting to work quite difficult. I had to drive halfway across my state today from my college teaching job to my orchestra job and of course it was a big nasty snow storm. In fact, it’s only supposed to be bad weather when I’m traveling this week. Just bad luck I guess. Or I could look at it as a character building experience. It took me 4 hours to get here….it was supposed to take 2 hours and 15 minutes. I must have lots of character by now.

My husband and I watched a movie with some friends last night. One of them was K and the other was the woman we went to a concert with awhile back. I was nervous because this was simply a social gathering, meaning not for sex. I don’t usually have simple social gatherings with people I’ve had sex with. I’m not used to it. So, I spent the night thinking about what it’s like to fuck K, and what it’s like to watch my husband lick P until she couldn’t take it anymore. It was a lot of fun. We discovered over the course of the evening’s conversation that the two of them would be in the same town I have orchestra in so I might see them sometime this weekend. Who knows… Damn that reminds me!!! Fuck!!! I forgot to get them comp tickets for the concert on Sunday. I’m an idiot! lol Oh well. Might have been weird to have them there anyway…how would I explain how I know them!?

I other news, my husband came home early from work yesterday. When he walked in I had just finished having phone sex with T. I think my husband liked it because then he fucked me silly. It was fucking amazing. Then we had to clean the house…that wasn’t amazing.

Breakthrough.

I made a breakthrough on my research today. I found the archival information I need in Moscow and, better yet, found a way to get copies of the documents!!!!!

I’m a very happy girl today.

And have been recently kept very well fucked by my wonderful husband. Well, except for last night. I had to stay over night after my orchestra rehearsal due to treacherous roads. That sucked, but then I had a research day like today!!!! I will finish my dissertation in 2008!!!!

Weather/money.

You know, I feel kind of bad for complaining about winter. I LOVE WINTER, but this year it’s just kind of getting me down. I think I know why, too. The people that live in this state don’t know how to drive in the winter weather. Where I grew up people actually understood what the physics of driving on ice and snow meant. You know, pretty much just slow down works most of the time. However, even worse than the reckless drivers are those that are far too careful. They make it less safe for the rest of us who actually know how to handle and automobile on ice and snow. Right now the non-major streets have a few inches of ice/compacted snow built up on them. Where I grew up the temperature never even came close to melting weather until closer to May so we had lots of packed snow to drive on. People here just sit and spin their tires, oblivious to the fact that the spinning actually makes the road more slippery for the next person.

Ok, the driving sucks and also my profession is tied to the weather in a sucky way. Basically, when the weather is bad I lose money. “Act of god”=I lose money. I still have to pay my studio rent whether the lesson happens or not. I say my students should be the ones to lose money, but there’s no way to get some of these people to realize that music teachers should be treated with respect, too. I have (almost) a doctorate in music performance and pedagogy. But, I still had a parent last week tell me she was suspicious of having paid too much tuition. She was “suspicious of me” as if I had tried to cheat her out of money or something. I have a well laid out policy on missed lessons and she violates it often and in rude ways. I have bent the rules in the past to avoid dealing with her (she’s a law professor….bitch) because that was just easier. Now I am considering dismissing her daughters as my students. I’m just afraid of the confrontation that might cause. Plus, her kids are pretty nice….well one is - the other is just like her mother (this kid thinks I look like I’m 60 and argues with me when I correct her).

Don’t get me wrong - I’m actually in a bit of a better mood today. Just feeling a little disrespected because of what happened to me at my college job this morning. I walk in and there’s a student practicing in my teaching space. She leaves when she realizes I’m faculty and not another student (see? I don’t look 60!). Then just as I finish setting everything up to teach (table, chair, music stand, instrument out of case, etc.), another professor walks in and asks me if I need to use the room. I reply that I have been assigned to teach in that room all school year and that I’ll be using the room until 3:00. He says, “well I have arranged for a piano technician to come and work on the pianos in this room all day today.” I’m floored that I can just be treated like this. I know I’m still the newest faculty member, but come on! He half-assed tried to find another room for me to use, but I had to take care of it myself. This greatly reduced the length of all of my lessons because I spent a lot of my day searching for a place to teach. By the end of the afternoon I was exhausted and checked my mailbox as I was leaving. The music secretary asked how my day went and I told her about the room snafu. She got indignant on my behalf and told me she’d take care of it. I got an email later in the day saying that she’d sent out a memo to the rest of the faculty reminding them to check the scheduling book before they just commandeer a room for any purpose. So, lesson learned - demand respect and it will follow. Sounds trite, but I think it’s true. Just so hard to figure out how to demand respect without losing it altogether….

Fake sun.

Fake sun has made me feel a bit better. I went tanning last night. It’s something I do regularly although much less these days for some reason. It had been two weeks since I was in a tanning bed so last night my husband insisted that I go. The fake sun has really had a good effect on my mood. Maybe I have SAD or something because it was like getting relief from a headache. After my session under the hot lights I felt much better. And I look good too!

Why I love music.

I have had a bit of a melancholy day. Not for any reason I can put my finger on. I just have a lot of sad feelings. So tonight I’m sitting here contemplating going to bed and I decide to turn on iTunes and put it on random to see what pops up. A few pieces/songs go by then I hear something I haven’t heard in years. It made me have a visceral reaction. I started to tear up immediately. It’s just one of the most beautiful pieces of music I’ve ever played. I had the chance to perform it my first year of graduate school and I’ll never forget how that made me feel. I became friends with the other people in the group. We did almost everything together that semester (this was before my husband joined me here). Listening to this piece reminded me of the joy I feel when I get to perform music I love with people I love. It’s been such a very long time since I’ve experienced that.

I love how music can trigger emotions in me instantly. I can remember things I never could without the music playing. I have to start listening to music more often. It might make me less weirdly emotional.

Unexpected night off.

I just got home from picking up D from the airport. It should have been a 30 minute drive each way, but it took over an hour each way. The roads were that bad. He was supposed to get back yesterday, but the weather prevented that. It’s lucky that all of my students called me one by one throughout the day to cancel their lessons otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to go pick him up.

D had been visiting his girlfriend in New York. He had a great week bumming around Manhattan. Must suck to come back to this weather mess after being in such a fun place. He’s been planning to stage another gangbang for me on Saturday. He is trying to make it 10 guys this time. I don’t even know if I can handle that many, but I’m sure not all 10 will show up. That’s usually how these things go. I am not letting myself get excited yet because I don’t know for sure if it will happen. I can’t even believe sometimes that this is MY life. If people in my regular life knew that I might have 10 guys fucking me and using me this Saturday I think they’d freak out…..a lot. I’ll keep you posted on this.

Last week my shrink gave me some advice that is starting to really make sense to me. She told me to stop saying should….as in, “I should be working on xyz.” If I just say, “I will work on xyz,” and choose a specific time and order of events then things will get done much better. So, tonight I am going to:

1. reply to emails
2. eat dinner with husband
3. finish marking the part for my orchestra job
4. practice orchestra music
5. hopefully chat with some fine peeps on yahoo (find me as m.co lin i there but take out the spaces and keep the dot)
6. get my pussy licked until I pass out. gotta love my husband!

Disturbed is an understatement.

It’s been all over the news. The shooting at Northern Illinois University. I live within a few states of this school and have actually driven through Dekalb. I was reading some stuff a friend of mine put up on facebook about a “church” in Kansas that will be protesting at the funerals for the kids who were killed at NIU. And why? Because NIU supposedly “loves fags.” This distinction has absolutely nothing to do with the specific school. Basically, whenever something tragic happens in the country this group claims that it is god punishing America because it’s “full of fags.” I looked around on their website (will not post the link because even that is horrible - you can google westboro and find these assholes) and just kept getting more and more angry.

Even if you don’t believe in christianity or god in general you have to agree that what these people are doing is horribly wrong. I can’t even imagine losing a daughter/sister/friend to a horrific random murder, but then add these absolutely horrible protesting at the funeral of an innocent person and nobody could drag me away from beating the living hell out of them.

There’s just so many things wrong with this whole picture. I seriously never every thought I’d come across such blind hatred. They hide behind one phrase from the bible and base all of their hate on it. They think that god is continuously punishing America because it is full of horrible sinners. Every time there is an attack they claim it’s another punishment from god. This includes 9/11!

I wish there was something I could do about them freaking protesting at the funerals of these poor kids. It’s just sooooooo FUCKING WRONG!!!!!!!!!

Ok, I’m so angry my hands are shaking. I need to stop writing about this.

Out of town again.

I’m out of town again this weekend, but I get to go home tomorrow. I had to go to a larger city in the area to get some work done on my instrument. I drove here Thursday night and I get to go home tomorrow. I would have stayed until Sunday because I’m staying with a friend, but the weather might turn nasty so I’m headed home like a good little girl. I hope I can find some fun when I get home.

He changed my life.

Ten years ago today he told me he loved me for the very first time…..and changed my life forever. I can’t even describe the way I felt when I heard those words for the first time. They carry the same feeling for me today even though he’s said it thousands of times. Nobody else has made me feel so special. Nobody else will ever loved me. Nobody else could ever be my love. He made me who I am today.

With those three words you made me realize my place in this world. It is by your side, as your wife, your lover and friend. Thank you for showing me how to be happy.

I love you . . . forever.

Curious

It’s awfully quiet around here lately. I need to start getting laid more I guess.