Could this be the start?

Allow me to introduce the latest new guy to come into my life. I’m calling him ST. He just moved to my town and was looking for a submissive. I think I will be his submissive. The extent to which I will be interacting with ST is, of course, up to Jack.

I have realized that what I have with D is not a D/s type of interaction. He’s merely a sadist and I’m a masochist. Not a lot of what he does is to dominate me. He’s silent through most of our encounters. I don’t feel connected to him in any way outside our sessions. We also don’t talk about me being his submissive or him being my Dominant. Now that I won’t get to see him again until June I started thinking about that and came to the decision that he’s not my Dom. I don’t even feel comfortable enough with him to discuss this issue. I’m sure we’ll have to talk about it at some point, but that can wait.

On to more about ST. If Jack will allow it I will become his owned submissive. This will not interfere with my professional or marital affairs. I will serve ST in pre-decided upon (by Jack and ST) sessions. This will include sex and instructions and if I do not follow instructions I will be punished.

Jack and I are both going to be having sex with ST tonight. He’s bi-curious and Jack is looking forward to sucking and fucking him. I’m not sure how the dynamic will play out here - I’m the submissive and ST is my Dom, but Jack is really the one calling the shots. Tonight is supposed to be about sex and seeing how we three are chemistry-wise.

I just talked on the phone with ST for the first time. He was going over the things to expect as his submissive. Instead of collaring me he will be installing a small chain around my waist to serve the same purpose. Jack’s probably not going to allow that, but the decision is out of my hands. I do not want to have to wear some uncomfortable chain around my waist, but will do it as part of serving ST. I like that feeling already.

He told me I am expected to text him when I wake up in the morning, when I go to sleep at night, and after having sex with Jack. I must ask for permission before having sex with anyone besides Jack, and must follow his decision or face punishment regardless of what Jack says.

I am also not allowed to spend much time messing around on this computer today. I have to practice and work on my dissertation. This order came from me and was endorsed by Jack.

Do you guys think it’s foolish for me to enter into a relationship like this with ST? Anyone have any thoughts?

Huge disappointment.

It’s been canceled. The big 10 man event has officially been canceled. D is a single father of a 13 year old, and the kid has been running amok. He basically can’t let his kid out of his sight and therefore cannot stage a gang bang for me on Saturday. We’ll try again in June - the kid will be with the mother for the summer. I’m really bummed out. There was a big part of me that was getting ready for the big day. For me it was a pretty big deal because I have no idea if I can even handle that much fucking in one day. I’m willing to try, but it takes a lot of thinking and preparation in order for me to get there. I have to be in the right head space. Ok, this is sounding really stupid, but I don’t know how else to put it. Certainly, there is no training camp or advice column for this sort of thing.

I’ve been getting a lot of messages from men on AFF lately. Don’t know what caused the increase. These guys are actually using sentences and real words, too. That has kept me a bit busy because I only respond to messages containing punctuation and capital letters, etc.

I’m really sad that I most likely won’t get to see D until this summer. At the same time, I can’t imagine how bad it is for him. Not only is he worried about his kid, but now he’s also under house arrest while he keeps an eye out for trouble. D’s being punished for the way his kid is acting. And really, this is the first time any real problems have happened. He’s a good parent, but every kid gets attitude problems at that age so I understand.

I’m sorry I haven’t been around on the blog lately. I have actually been working on my dissertation every day. I’ve been getting practicing done, too. Usually when I’m productive I have a huge urge to write more on here, but lately I’ve been having a large amount of anxiety. It’s usually connected to my sexual lifestyle, too. Nothing has changed, but I feel nervous more often now. Not nervous like I get when I’m going to meet someone, but nervous in general. Like when I think about sex I just get anxious. It sucks. I’m thinking that a good session with D would help with that, but it’s not going to happen any time soon.

My husband has been great, and we tried to have a session like that last night. The problem is, I love my husband so it’s harder for me to really get into the experience when it’s him dominating me. I am too emotionally attached to him. I know he can hurt me and he usually takes me to that threshold faster than D does, which makes for a smaller release. It’s really hard to explain. My head is swimming all around, and now I’m slacking off so I guess I should stop writing….

Latest D Day.

Saturday night was a pretty low-key adventure with D. It was a short, laidback session, but just as fun as usual.

That morning I decided to wear a skirt without panties for the whole day. So, I was teaching all morning and afternoon with no panties on. I liked the way it made me feel. It kept my mind thinking about what I was going to do that night. I love making myself feel like a slut. And I looked damn good, too!

I went tanning after work because I had started to feel nervous. I had thought I’d be able to make it through the day without getting nervous, but towards the end of teaching thefamiliar feeling in my stomach crept in. Usually, I get nervous for days before an encounter with D, but now that I’ve been seeing him since July I think I’m more comfortable with both him and also the nature of our relationship.

We arrived at D’s house just after 8 o’clock. We walked in and after just a few minutes of semi-awkward small talk we were in his bedroom and he was taking my glasses off. He set my glasses aside and I saw his eyes change as he grabbed me and kissed me. His kisses are so passionate and just really fucking arousing. He really asserts his role as the Dominant and I’m instantly in my place. He pulled my shirt off, unhooked my bra and tossed them aside. He left my skirt on, bent me over the bed, pulled up my skirt and started spanking me.

My ass started to heat up as he hit me over and over. I was trying my best not to be too loud partly because I didn’t want him to stop. I wanted to see how much I could take. I eventually couldn’t keep completely quiet and it was obvious to D that I was close to maxing out for the moment. He always knows just when to stop with me. He won’t keep going if I’m starting to lose my concentration or slip into a fog. Sometimes I wish I could see what would happen if he didn’t stop. He slid a finger inside my pussy and found it to be extremely wet. I get really really wet for him when he beats me.

He stepped away briefly and I heard a condom being ripped open and in a few seconds I felt his cock push inside me. He fucked me hard from the beginning - no starting slow just good, hard, deep fucking right away.

Well….. this is as far as I got writing about last weekend. I can’t seem to bring myself to write about the rest of it. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. It was all very good. Nothing negative. So why am I having so much trouble writing about it? I don’t really know. I’ve been asking myself that question all week. My parents were here this weekend; maybe that contributed some. Another reason might be next weekend’s plans. The 10-man gangbang is scheduled for next Saturday. I’m already starting to get nervous. Really looking forward to it.

I am not dead….just floating.

It’s a D Day.

Ladies and gentlemen: I will be seeing D tonight. That is all for now.

Waiters are so easy.

I’m staying with my friends again for my orchestra gig. We went to get a bit to eat after rehearsal tonight, and when we sat down they were disappointed with the waiter we had because they’d gotten bad service from him before. He seemed to be in a bad mood when he brought us the menus and took our drink order. I decided to try to improve the situation by flirting with him. I made eye contact when I ordered my drink and he blushed. Then when he came back to take our food order I had unbuttoned my sweater so my breasts were displayed a bit more. He looked. Very obviously looked. I “caught” him looking, smiled at him and he got all flustered. It was cute. After that he seemed to be having a much better night. He smiled more and was EXTREMELY attentive to me. My friends were laughing because he was almost ignoring them, but serving me very well. Every time he walked by our table I looked up at him, made eye contact, and smiled. It was awesome. I felt really good, and he ended up getting an enormous tip….and my phone number. That was easy.

According to the media.

According to the media, sex is evil. Well, ok, not in those words, but I just watched a news report on the governor of New York having gone to a prostitute. The way the story was told it made it seem like he was a horrible person and should be shunned for the rest of his life because he had sex with a woman other than his wife. The way the reporter spoke about the situation really pissed me off. She was all self righteous and pious. Then they interviewed some quack who said that people making “poor judgements” have something wrong with the frontal lobe of their brain. WHAT??!?!? I’m sure these conservative ass monkeys think the things my husband and I do are ususally in “poor judgement.” Does this mean we have fucked up frotal lobes? I’m sick of living in a place where pleasure=deviance.

Yay.

My manuscripts arrived today. All I want to do is work, but I will not have time until Monday morning. I’m just anxious to get started.

I have a lot of anxiety actually. I messed up my registration number for the dissertation credits I’m registered for as a class at the university. Now I have to go to campus and take care of it on Monday. I just don’t fucking care about all that crap anymore. All I did was type the instructor number incorrectly. The instructor could have emailed me when she saw me on the list instead of just reporting me as not attending. How bitchy is that?

In other news, I got fucked really good last night. Kissed, touched, rubbed, sucked, fucked, and licked/fucked. In that order. I’ll let you guys guess who the lucky guy was.

I was a good girl.

I didn’t have sex with him. I haven’t told him about the unique nature of my relationship with my husband. Because he thought I was cheating I started to feel like I actually was. My husband totally knew about the whole situation.

I still can’t believe I turned him down………I guess I am capable of doing the “right” thing once in a while.

Anticipation.

I don’t know what to expect. I’m going to hang out with my friend now. I’ll let you know if anything “good” happens.

He kissed me.

My colleague that I’ve been lusting over kissed me last night…. was too drunk to try to do more. But now it’s all I can think about.