I have been thinking a lot about relationships lately. Not just my own, but sort of in general. I see people around me in happy relationships, I see people in miserable ones, too. There are two lovely ladies who keep really great blogs that I read regularly. They both came to a fork in their relationship roads recently. One chose to stay with her husband and the other chose not to. I see the pain they are dealing with, and wonder how it happened and also, could it happen to me? The more I think about this the more I wonder if I’ll be facing a similar situation someday.

As it stands, I have an amazing husband. He has his faults and hurts my feelings from time to time, but I know that this is normal for relationships. There is no perfect relationship. He supports me as best he can, both emotionally and sexually. I know he would support me financially if I needed it, and he has in the past. He says he’ll never leave me, but what if things change? What if he cheats on me? What if I cheat on him? What if we change and are no longer compatible. For me personally, I am standing at the top of a cliff professionally right now. I’m just finishing graduate school, and I can either take flight and start a great career, or I can crash to the ground as a failure. What if I change during the process of trying to fly? What happens if he decides he doesn’t want to be my co-pilot? How can I confidently say that he will never leave me? How do I become an independant woman without distancing myself from him completely? Nobody can answer these questions. I just have to believe somehow that “it” won’t happen to us. That we’ll never have to make a decision about whether or not to conntinue our relationship.

Is there anyone out there who has been through a divorce/breakup who has any light to shed on these questions? Did you think you would be together forever? How did you realize that you weren’t happy and needed out?

Another part that is difficult for me these days is: how dare I complain about such a wonderful man when there are so many women who would appreciate him? Is it wrong for me to expect more from him? Or should I be resigned to the fact that it will never get any better and I should just learn to live with his “shortcomings?” With so many people in unhappy or nonexistant relationships, how do I get rid of the guilt of being happy?