Here’s my problem. I started this blog as a sex blog. All I wanted to write about was sex. I still want to write about sex, but right now there isn’t much to write about. It’s all pretty vanilla right now. I want it to be more exciting, but there have been so many circumstances lately that have prevented me from getting what I want. First of all, I’m so very very busy with school. It is absolutely imperative that I spend every waking moment preparing for comprehensive exams. I’ve worked too hard all these years to do poorly on the very last set of exams I’ll ever have to take in my life.

I have also found myself having issues with being brave enough to get what I want sexually. I get angry with how much I’ve changed from when I was an undergrad. I don’t have the confidence in myself to talk to men. I hate that! I just want to be able to know whether he’s mocking me or actually interested in talking to me. How will I ever know that? And more importantly how will I just get over that fear, and start to actually not care what they think of me or how they treat me. Ultimately, no man’s opinion of me counts except my husband’s, and I know his opinion of me will never change.

I just want a regular fuck buddy. Someone that my husband can share me with. Someone who will be a friend to me, and someone who lives in the same town as me. Someone who I can enjoy sexually as well as emotionally as a friend. I’m so afraid of rejection right now that I don’t know if I’ll ever find that someone.

Also, society in general just isn’t prepared to deal with the type of open relationship that I have. I’m afraid of losing the small amount of friends I still have if they find out about my “lifestyle.”

Another problem I’m having lately. I’m not horny enough!! I know it’s normal to go through phases and that my libido is related to stress, but this is getting ridiculous. Over the past few months I haven’t been interested in sex as much as I usually am, and it’s driving me crazy! I haven’t had any new encounters, or even chances for encounters, and that’s usually what gets me all fired up. Of course, that is all very distracting and right now I can’t afford to be distracted as I said above.

And, lastly, if I live the way I want to, it doesn’t leave much room for children. There are two sides of me that are fighting right now. On one hand I really want to have a baby, and on the other hand I just want to have a lot of fun before my “life” is over because of the new responsibilities.

So that’s why I felt like giving up on my blog. It’s not interesting anymore. I would have stopped reading it regularly a long time ago if I were you. But with that said, I’M NOT GOING ANYWHERE. I’m going to keep trying to make this blog something that people will want to read. I want to have hot encounters to write about so that I can succeed in making other people horny. There is definitely someone I have in mind for future encounters. He knows who he is, and hopefully it will happen soon. Actually he’s the perfect guy to be the fuck buddy, but he lives too far away and has to keep his encounters a secret. It is heartbreakingly complicated, and that makes ma a little sad because he deserves more than that.

To all my readers (all 5 of you – lol ) thank you for being interested enough in me to visit my little blog. My intentions are good, and I promise I’ll try not to let you down. Please keep reading and sharing comments with me. I appreciate it very much!