I was commenting on a friend’s blog about this topic and decided to just turn it into a post myself. The question at hand is the sharing of email passwords between spouses. I had commented that I will never share my laptop password with my husband simply because it’s mine. Sounds selfish, but I sincerely feel this way. I have been married for coming up on 6 years (July 16). One thing I have realized is that I cannot share absolutely EVERY DETAIL of my life with my husband. I would feel suffocated to the point of being unhappy. I think one of the problems with the state of marriage today is that people have unrealistic expectations of what marriage actually is. I think it would be terribly unhealthy to not have anything personal or private in a relationship.

When I think about how my parents live I feel ill. Neither of them have anything that is theirs alone. That depresses me. My parents’ marriage is what I would consider typical, but they are far from happy. My mother is a cynical, bitter bitch; she seems to take pleasure in making my father miserable. In my opinion, if they each had a space in the house or in their lives in general that was theirs and theirs alone they might be happier.

I think the whole concept of marriage is changing. Or maybe it just did for me. My husband and I each have our own seperate areas in the house. It’s not like he’s not welcome in my studio, or I’m not welcome in the living room. It’s just arbitrary boundaries that make us feel like autonomous human beings, not just a husband and wife. When I die I don’t just want to be known as the wife of H. I want to me known for what I accomplished, both in my personal relationships and in my career.

Every Sunday our local paper publishes a section showcasing wedding/engagement/anniversary/birthday/achievement announcements. I love looking at the anniversary photos of older couples when they include their wedding photos and their current photos. It’s interesting to see how people age, and how their personality is easy to read when you have the two photos to compare. I often wonder if they’ve had happy lives. Not just happy marriages, but were they still the same person they were when they walked down the aisle? Are they happy with the live they’ve lived? When I’m celebrating my 50th anniversary I hope I can say that I am a better version of the 22 year old bride, and that I’ve lived a fulfilling life AND had a fulfilling marriage.

What do you think?