My parents arrived this afternoon. Ok, I love my parents, but I have had some major problems with my mother this year. We’re finally getting back on permanently friendly terms, but there is still a small amount of tension. I’m always waiting for her next remark. The one that started the whole mess was, “You are ruining my life because you do not have children.” Not as a joke, straight faced, and hurt looking. I couldn’t speak when she said it. After that I basically did not speak to her for two months. She never apologized for what she said, and we never talked about it again. We’re back to “normal” this weekend, but I’m left wondering why she felt I needed to hear that from my mother. It wasn’t an isolated sentiment. Here is why I think she’s frantic to be a grandmother. She’s the oldest of four children in her family. All three of her siblings have grandchildren, my mother does not. I’m my mother’s oldest child. The problem is, most of my cousins stayed in the town we all grew up in, and got local jobs right out of college. I left home to go to graduate school, and my choice of fields ensures that I will never live in that town again due to the lack of available work. It would be foolish for me to have children when I am still a student and before I am gainfully employed. I know there is no perfect time to have children, but there are times that are better than others.

Being a student is not the only reason I don’t want children yet. I’m enjoying myself too much to mess it up with a baby. Not only will I not have time to just fuck whoever I feel like, but I’m terrified of the changes that could happen to my body. I’m scared that I will view sex differently than I do now. I never ever want to turn into the woman who refuses to have sex with her husband because she doesn’t desire him anymore. I never want to go for weeks, months, years, or decades without sex. That sounds like a death sentence to me.

I like my new lifestyle. I’ve never been happier in my life. I’ve never felt more confident in myself personally. I’ve never felt more loved or treasured by my husband. I’ve never been more sexually satisfied. I love the look in my husband’s eyes when he watches another man bring me to a powerful orgasm. I love the sounds he makes when he’s cumming inside another woman. I love the feeling I get after meeting a new lover for the first time.

I guess I could chalk this all up to selfishness and not acting like a “grown-up”, but I don’t want to live up to other people’s expectations. I don’t want to live my mother’s life. She is not a happy woman. I do not think she is happy with the way her life turned out, and maybe part of the problems we’ve had in the past are related to her jealousy of me. I left our tiny little town in the middle of nowhere and will never live there again.

All in all I am confident that this week-long visit/trip will be better than the last visit I had with them. I’m not getting my hopes up, but I am not expecting disaster. On Tuesday the three of us (my husband, conveniently, has to work) will be heading two states away to visit my brother for a few days. We get back to my place on Saturday evening, and my parents will leave to go home on Sunday. So, think of me as I navigate my way through all the pitfalls of FAMILY VACATION TIME!!!!!!!!!!!

I think the hardest part will be no sex for a week. I’m already going crazy. It’s only going to be worse as the week goes on. Oh well, who knows, maybe I’ll meet some guy and sneak off with him while my family fights with each other.

Wish me luck!!!!!!!!