I was all keyed up for a new encounter last Friday. But it never materialized. I chickened out. I was having too good of a time just hanging out with my husband that we decided to just cancel…..again.

This recent lack of new encounters has got me thinking of quitting altogether. Maybe I’m just in a place right now where subjecting myself to the extreme stress of preparing myself mentally and physically for new sexual encounters is just too much to bear. I say stuff like that to myself, but then I get these thoughts screaming through my head that say, “I just want to get fucked.”

I haven’t figured out a way to diffuse the stress levels in finding and meeting new lovers. I suck at this! I get worried about the little details like making sure everything is cleaned and shaved and ready to go. If I don’t feel meticulously groomed then I will not have fun once the clothes come off. I am told often that men don’t notice things as much as women do, but one thing running through the back of my head is….I don’t want to be the woman guys fuck when they can’t find anyone else. I want to be chosen. I want to be desired for my own qualities, not just for the fact that I am a woman.

This brings me back to my favorite (or least favorite depending on how you look at it) topic. There are so many more men searching for sex partners than women. Why are the men so much more horny than women? I know there must be some sort of physiological reason for the difference in libido. The world would be a better place if men just got laid when they needed to instead of having to search for extra when there isn’t enough at home.

I’m so conflicted about all of this right now. Earlier this week I decided to stop blogging altogether. But I’m back again. I just need more things to write about. Which brings me back to the original topic: I need to fuck someone new. I wish I had the confidence to actually talk to men when I’m out. Maybe then I could just find someone I like and then see what happens instead of meeting guys online that probably just need to be fucked and it doesn’t matter what the girl is like at all.

Are there any experienced swingers out there? I need help!