I think I have resolved my latest crisis involving the husband. I tried to shut myself off from having reactions to the things he does. I really tried to act like a typical wife. I tried not to want to have sex with him ALL THE TIME. I tried to get mad when he groped me or oogled me. Well it certainly didn’t work. Although this was the longest I went without saying I love you I eventually really missed him.

I think what was causing this whole thing is that one of my good friends is going through a divorce. Since I’m always brutally honest on this blog I’ll admit that I feel a little jealous of her. I’m not jealous that her life is shattered or that she lost what was supposed to be the love of her life. I’m jealous of her freedom. I’m jealous of her new apartment and all the things inside being hers and hers alone. I’m jealous of her “restart” in life.

All the things that I miss about my life while I lived alone that first year of grad school are what she now has. I used to joke that when I moved here alone before my husband found a job here that we split up the house stuff as if we were getting divorced. It was funny then, but now I know how true it was. I also know that there is a very good chance that it will happen again when I find my first job. I must say that I am anxiously awaiting that day.

Part of my pseudo-resolution for this year (I hate calling it that) is to live life for the moment and stop “waiting” for the future to come. I have figured out how to do that. I used to let my mind wander while driving, teaching, reading, working, etc. Now I try to keep music going either on the stereo while driving or on my computer while I work, or to tune into the music my student is playing. I have found that if music is playing it is harder to let my mind wander. So there Truelife (you asked how!) is how I’m going to do it.