I usually handle hard times in my life by letting it all out by drinking, having lots of sex, or doing something else bad for me. Right now my only option is drinking so I guess I’ll be doing a lot of that. I’m glad I brought my laptop with me because I can use it to keep my mind off of why I’m here. There is a lot of downtime when visiting someone in the hospital. We can’t stay in his room for very long because we have to wear gowns, gloves, and masks to go in and it’s really hot. Plus, he gets tired easily. He didn’t recognize me at first this morning, but after lunch he asked about my husband by name. It’s weird how he goes in and out of lucidity.

Cousins have been trickling into town and I’m dreading going back to the hospital tonight because there might be a family showdown. I talked to my uncle this afternoon and he sounded really rough. It kills me to know that my dad and his next oldest brother are going through this struggle all while dealing with losing their father.