Joe from Sharing Dee commented about not understanding how pain could be a welcome part of a sexual experience. I used to think the same thing. I’m actually very afraid of experiencing pain and have quite a low pain tolerance. In starting to play with pain tolerances and how much I can take I discovered that pain actually makes me feel good. I need to see how far I can take it, how much pain I can tolerate. Because afterwards I feel like a million bucks. Pain releases endorphins or something, I don’t really know the reason. Pain mixed with pleasure is even better. Pain mixed with pleasure while submitting to a man is the best. I get aroused just thinking of being Dominated. There is something in my head that gives me pleasure knowing I am giving as much pleasure as possible to a man by submitting to him physically and mentally. I want to reach a state of mind where I don’t have to think anymore and I can just feel. Where I don’t have to make any decisions or try to guess what anyone is thinking. When I’m tied to a bed naked and blindfolded there is little choice I have in what happens next. The only thing I can possibly do to change my immediate future is use my safeword to stop everything. For some reason that is one of the most comforting things I’ve ever experienced.

My session last Wednesday with D was short. It was about him seeing how I react to different things. I know that when we meet for another session he will push my limits even further.
We chatted briefly on Thursday about what I liked and didn’t like, and I could honestly say that there wasn’t any part I didn’t like. Sure, it hurt to have clothespins slapped off my tits, but it also felt good. When I look at the bruises on my breasts and see them change colors and fade I wonder how long they’ll be with me. It’s a reminder of what I experienced. On one hand I want them to last for a long time, but on the other hand I want them to heal immediately so I can see D again.

My husband and I had a long conversation Friday night about where things are headed with this new part of our lives. We were honest and frank and it yielded wonderful results. I know exactly where he stands, and he understands how important this is to me. He was worried that I will develop such a close relationship with D (or any other man) that he could lose me. I explained that part of what draws me to being dominated is having him watch it. I don’t know if I would have felt half as comfortable with D if my husband had not been there. I liked knowing that my husband was giving me to D, and I also knew that I would be safe because I had my husband there to make sure of it. There was never a moment when my husband wasn’t in my mind while I was tied to that bed. Every slap, spank, kiss, and orgasm was for his pleasure as much as mine. We ended the conversation on a positive note, did not fight, and both felt better about how we stand in this.

We still look for people to have sex with that aren’t invoved in BDSM. I like sex both ways. I don’t need to experience pain to experience pleasure. Having different experiences highlights the pleasures in each. If I only had sex in the missionary position with only my husband for the rest of my life, I would not be happy. That is something I definitely know about myself, and I don’t think there is anything wrong with that despite the common belief among American women that it is all we should ever want. I’ve said this before, but it needs to be said over and over again: Sex is not an optional part of being married. And equally important: Sex is not an optional part of being human. Sorry, that was a bit of a tangent.

This probably doesn’t come as a surprise for those of you who know me, but this is all about contrast….again.