I was driving to an out of town gig last night and I was thinking. I do a lot of thinking while driving alone. It’s my favorite time to be alone. Anyway, I was thinking about how happy I was feeling right at that moment. I was listening to good music cranked up really loud, enjoying the lovely countryside, and then this popped into my head, “I let an almost stranger tie me up, fuck me and beat me on a semi-regular basis.” Just thinking about it that way made me feel happy and free. Nobody else in my public life knows what I do for fun. They have no idea what is putting this smile on my face.

The gig last night was for a banquet for some group of catholics. I knew they were catholic because there were nuns and priests everywhere and the speaker was introduced as archbishop so-and-so. I knew ahead of time that it would be a very conservative group so I wore my lowest cut black shirt (we always have to wear all black for gigs….depressing). Nice cleavage and tight fitting in the right places, while still being just modest enough to get away with it.

I have never felt so out of place in my life. It wasn’t uncomfortable in the sense that I felt threatened or anything. I just realized that probably everyone there lives a shell of a life with no pleasure at all involved (except for whatever pleasure can be gained from actually believing in a religion, etc.). It made me very thankful for my life and what I have accomplished both in my career and in my private life.