After work today I went to a friend’s house for a visit. A mutual friend of ours was in town and I hadn’t seen her in a year so I agreed to stop by. I’ve written about this girl before. She was the one Jack and I almost played with, but decided not to because she was a friend first. Anyway, we didn’t part on the best of terms last summer. She had a break down of sorts and decided to drop out of school and move back home a few states away. She had been having money problems and in January 2008 we lent her $500. We set out a payment plan and made sure she knew that she had to pay us back. She made a few payments then just gave up. It turns out she didn’t really need the $500 and that she actually went and bought a blackberry and a coach purse with it. We thought we were helping her buy a car after her old one bit the dust. Found out later that she also didn’t need the new car either….simply wanted it. That’s just a small bit of the shit she pulled before moving away. She and I had been very close at one point, but we never talk anymore. Smoking was also involved because she was one of my excuses to be allowed to smoke. Jack would let me have one or two a night when I was with her. And we all know how that all played out……

She seems to have her head on straight again and perhaps she’s working her way through her money problems. I didn’t mention the money she owes me; she brought it up. She wanted my new address so she could make some payments after she goes home. Let’s just say that I’m not holding my breath.

So, I’m sitting there chatting with her and catching up on the past year. The whole time I’m just feeling incredibly uncomfortable and nervous. I can’t remember if that’s how I used to feel around her all the time or if it was new this time. I just kept staring at her cigarettes sitting on the table. I’m proud to say that I wasn’t even tempted to smoke one. I did WANT one, but I knew I wasn’t going to smoke. I’ll never smoke another cigarette because that’s what Jack wants. It’s a logical decision to make since cigarettes are only bad for me. There’s nothing good about them. I’d rather have Jack in my life than continue to contribute to my own death like that.

Sorry for the lack of sex here. Jack is playing nerd games at a friend’s house so I’m home all alone tonight. I soooooo need a friend to play with here!