Hello to anyone who happens by this old desolate place. I haven’t been here in almost a year. I can’t even believe that! I never meant to stop writing, but I did. My worst fears came true – I lost my libido after having my son.

At first I thought it was because of the extreme exhaustion from having major surgery (emergency c-section) and then getting no sleep taking care of a newborn. Then I thought it was because I was breastfeeding. Well, I stopped breastfeeding a year ago this week, and my son has been sleeping through the night since July 2010. But, my libido has not returned.

I know it can take a long time for a woman’s body to recover from a pregnancy…..blah, blah, blah excuses, excuses. I want my old life back. Somewhere along the way I started viewing my body differently. It’s not just about the physical effects of growing another human in my body (although those are profound don’t get me wrong). I am a mother now, and sex just seems different.

Well, as you might have guessed I’m starting to get fed up with my new self. I want my old self back. I want to be horny all day, and pounce on Jack when he gets home instead of avoiding his touch because he might want to start something and all I can imagine doing at 9:30pm is falling asleep as soon as possible…..phew sorry for the run-on sentence.

So, my plan is to write more, fantasize more, keep in touch with my online followers and friends (so those of you I haven’t been in touch with please leave me a comment!!!), and just fuck more!

Jack and I are monogamous and have been since we found out I was pregnant two years ago. Two years….. that’s a long time. We’ll get back to sharing and all of that someday.

We are also working on #2 still. We’ve been actively trying to conceive since January with no luck. I’ve been undergoing fertility treatments since July. Still no luck. Part of the reason we waited so long to have the first kid is that we thought we would not be able to have kids at all. So, this fertility issue is not a surprise to us. Let me just tell you that having sex to try to get pregnant is only fun the first few months. Now it’s just another chore. But I’m aiming to change that!!!

Is anybody still out there?