I sometimes feel like I have spent my whole life waiting for one thing or another. When I was a kid I was waiting to be old enough to drive and get a job. Then I was waiting to turn 18, then 21. Then I was waiting to marry Jack. Then I was waiting to move away from my home town and go to graduate school. Then I was waiting to graduate and find a real job (that never did happen…lol). Then I was waiting for Lex to be born. Then I was waiting for him to get through all the different developmental milestones. Now I’m waiting to get pregnant again. There are other smaller things I wait for….like the extra money to justify buying a new purse.

Does anyone else think this is a weird way to organize my life? Why can’t I just enjoy things the way they are right now instead of longing for something else? I should also say, though, that a certain amount of optimistic looking forward is good. However, I wish I could do less of that and more of enjoying right now.

Lex does help me live in the moment more than anything in my life. I used to see having kids as a very selfLESS thing to do. I now think that it should be considered the most selfISH thing I can do. If you really stop to think about the grand scheme of things you will see that the world doesn’t really need more people. I’m not helping to further the human race by procreating. The world would go on as it always has even if I never had Lex.

This may anger people, but I’m going to say it anyway. Having children is narcissism at it’s most simple form. You are creating a person that will be the combination of you and your favorite person (your spouse or significant other).

If you really want to meet parents who are selfLESS then talk to the parents of adopted kids.

It really bothers me when I see the way people expect the world to cater to them because they have children. It was a choice to become a parent. It shouldn’t be viewed as a burden. I don’t expect people to make special concessions for me just because I’m carrying a toddler.

Here is an example: I’m walking towards the door with Lex in the stroller at the mall and a woman jogs ahead of me to open the doors for me. I HATE THIS!!! First of all, I wouldn’t have come to the mall if I wasn’t perfectly capable of opening doors and navigating my way through the building. What ends up happening is I feel totally conspicuous and selfish letting her hold the door open for me. People who know nothing about kids or strollers are often the worst when this happens. It really is just easier if I open the doors myself. It’s not difficult! I’ve been doing it for 18 months now. When people stop to open doors for me they are more likely to touch Lex. They are more likely to slow me down and try to talk to me. They are more likely to cough on us or something nasty like that. I say just STAY AWAY FROM ME!! Having a baby doesn’t make me handicapped. I don’t need your help.

Ok, rant over. Sorry folks….people just make me angry sometimes. I guess ranting to the handful of people who will read this really won’t change the world or anything. But it will make me feel better!