Ah, the weather here has been glorious. Maybe a little too warm, but it’s been so nice to be able to play outside with Lex. Yesterday we walked to the local diner for breakfast and then went to the playground. Today we spent some time outside in the yard. The leaves are very vibrant here. More than usual. I guess the conditions have just been perfect.

I’m still very depressed about the news I got last week. I’m still waiting for actual confirmation that I’m not pregnant this month. I’m pretty sure I am not because I keep getting negative pregnancy tests and my basal body temp has fallen the past two days (a huge indicator that an unwanted visitor approaches).

You would think that I would have developed advanced patience since I have a very active toddler. Well, no I haven’t. I’m still very impatient and want things to happen like yesterday!

I’m giving a recital on Saturday with a new group my friends and I put together. Since Lex was born I’ve been doing the minimum amount of performance in order to keep my career alive, but now I’m starting to put things together to make it advance. I’m really excited about this project, but I’m not getting my hopes up. Playing in a group like this is like participating in a 4 way marriage. It isn’t easy, and the failure rate is probably 99 out of 100 or even higher. This isn’t the first time I’ve had a group that I thought had the potential to be a permanent one. And, I’m sure it won’t be the last. I used my “luck” finding my husband. Jack is definitely the catch of a lifetime for me so I don’t expect to find the perfect musical group, too.

I’m working very hard to keep my mood positive. I refuse to let infertility diminish my quality of life. This could be permanent and I don’t want to live the rest of my “youth” sad and worried. I don’t want to wake up at age 45 a bitter old woman of a teenager who never got what she wanted out of life. It’s easier said than done, but I guess I’ll just fake it until I make it. 🙂