I have nowhere else to vent my loneliness and sadness. Lex and I were supposed to go to a pumpkin patch with my moms club today. They canceled it because it rained all day yesterday and it will be too muddy. Today is a beautiful sunny day, and I’m stuck at home with nothing to do with Lex. It is too muddy to play in the yard, too muddy for the playground, we already went to the mall indoor play area yesterday. Now what? I just wish I had a friend in the same situation as me who I could call to hang out. I don’t know how to make these sorts of friends either. I feel like I am in junior high and still haven’t figured out how to make friends. All I wanted to do was call one of the other ladies in the moms club to see if they wanted to go out for lunch or have a playdate, but I am new to the group. I don’t know if it is acceptable to ask for something like that. I really hate trying to make friends with women.

Life was so much easier when all I thought about was sex and men. That’s what came naturally to me. This stay at home mom crap isn’t easy for me. I wouldn’t choose any other way though because it’s what is best for Lex. Plus, it’s not financially worth it to pay for daycare just so I can have a full time job.

I just feel sorry for myself. I’m coming off the 5th day of my fertility drug so I’m just as emotionally unstable as pregnant women. I think I’m going to go have myself a good cry while Lex naps.

Thanks for letting me type here, wordpress.