Latest Entries »

Libido recovery project.

Hello to anyone who happens by this old desolate place. I haven’t been here in almost a year. I can’t even believe that! I never meant to stop writing, but I did. My worst fears came true – I lost my libido after having my son.

At first I thought it was because of the extreme exhaustion from having major surgery (emergency c-section) and then getting no sleep taking care of a newborn. Then I thought it was because I was breastfeeding. Well, I stopped breastfeeding a year ago this week, and my son has been sleeping through the night since July 2010. But, my libido has not returned.

I know it can take a long time for a woman’s body to recover from a pregnancy…..blah, blah, blah excuses, excuses. I want my old life back. Somewhere along the way I started viewing my body differently. It’s not just about the physical effects of growing another human in my body (although those are profound don’t get me wrong). I am a mother now, and sex just seems different.

Well, as you might have guessed I’m starting to get fed up with my new self. I want my old self back. I want to be horny all day, and pounce on Jack when he gets home instead of avoiding his touch because he might want to start something and all I can imagine doing at 9:30pm is falling asleep as soon as possible…..phew sorry for the run-on sentence.

So, my plan is to write more, fantasize more, keep in touch with my online followers and friends (so those of you I haven’t been in touch with please leave me a comment!!!), and just fuck more!

Jack and I are monogamous and have been since we found out I was pregnant two years ago. Two years….. that’s a long time. We’ll get back to sharing and all of that someday.

We are also working on #2 still. We’ve been actively trying to conceive since January with no luck. I’ve been undergoing fertility treatments since July. Still no luck. Part of the reason we waited so long to have the first kid is that we thought we would not be able to have kids at all. So, this fertility issue is not a surprise to us. Let me just tell you that having sex to try to get pregnant is only fun the first few months. Now it’s just another chore. But I’m aiming to change that!!!

Is anybody still out there?


Jack and I just had a discussion about maybe trying for baby #2. Just get it out of the way so we have fewer years in the baby stage. Any parents of singletons out there that wished they had a second? Any parents of two born close together that wish they had waited for #2?

Mia is alive and well.

Being a mother is hard work. My baby is now 7 months old, and I’m still tired all the time! He sleeps through the night, but that only means he sleeps from 10pm until 5am. Before getting pregnant 5am was definitely still the middle of the night. Musicians are just not morning people. Sometimes I am still on stage performing past 10pm. Going to bed at 10:30 seems so wrong. We watch the news then fall asleep, exhausted.

I breastfed/pumped for the first 6months. I have been done with that for a month, but I’m still leaking breast milk. My libido is still missing. It’s better than it was last month, but I’m still not all that interested in sex. When we do get around to having sex it is AWESOME. This may sound weird, but I’m glad I had a c-section. I’m still intact down there. 🙂

My relationship with Jack is different now. We’re still in love and still attracted to each other, but we are also parents together now. There are more fights and moodiness. When he is overtired he gets really moody. I’d never experienced this before. I’m used to being the moody, needy one.

We intend to start playing again now that I’m done nursing. It’s going to be like starting all over again because it’s been a year now since we played with anybody.

I’m struggling to love my post baby body for the most part. It’s just too much work to take care of my own appearance when I’m taking care of another human being all day long. I feel like a stay at home mom since I stay home with the baby until Jack comes home from work at 3pm. Then I head out to teach or rehearsal or whatever I have that day.

So, according to my stats there are still folks reading this blog. I promise I will never just leave. If I don’t write a post about leaving for good I will always return. I intend to keep posting. I just need to have some fun sex stories to post!

Jack is hot!

Ok, so I’m going slightly mad not being able to have sex. I’m not allowed to have any “sexual contact” until the first week of May. Even though I’m constantly feeding the boy, changing the boy, or holding him and wishing he’d fall asleep already, I am always horny. I’m so glad that my libido seems to have remained despite having a baby. That’s the biggest fear I had regarding having a kid. We’ll see how my body functions once I get the all clear from my doctor. At least things are intact down there (only good thing about a c-section).

I’m glad I still have a handful of readers out there! I’m not giving up on the blog or my previous lifestyle.

It’s a boy!

My son was born on March 18. He was 4 weeks early and had to stay in the NICU for 11 days. I had to have an emergency c section due to preeclampsia. We’re all home now, and he’s absolutely adorable!!!!! I am off work for this week and next. I might go back the second week of April, but I haven’t made that decision. It depends on how my healing progress goes for my incision.

Jack is so cute with the baby. I can’t believe how much I loved my baby the first time I saw him.


How is everyone else doing?

Happy New Year.

I think 2010 will be the best year in a long while. It seems that two of the three life goals I have yet to accomplish will be happening. Those being finish the dissertation officially and have a baby. I definitely didn’t think I would be having a baby this year, but it makes sense. I have finally come to terms with this whole thing. It took me until the past week to sort of figure it all out in my head. The visit home to my parents and other family helped solidify the fact that I’m about to be a parent myself.

The drama was definitely there with my crappy family, but I think I suffered more than I should have due to the fact that crazy hormones make a crazy Mia. I found it more difficult to control the side of me that is still like my family. I started joining in on their stupid fights. I’m soooooo glad Jack was there to help me. He’s been an amazing husband, as usual.

I don’t have much in the way of awesome sex posts. We did, however, have a really nice New Year’s Day today. Before lunch Jack just said, “wanna fuck?” I told him I’d rather get licked so he decided that he would fuck me then lick me. It was short and sweet, but felt incredible. I love sex in the middle of the day. Orgasms are VERY nice while pregnant. It’s incredible how my body is changing.

I can feel the baby move a lot these days. In fact, I get kicked in the bladder causing almost accidents at least once a day. I am almost 26 weeks along. I’ve started planning the baby room out. This has been difficult because of how small our second bedroom is, but I’m determined to figure something out.

We did have one tragedy this week. We came home from ND on Tuesday arriving at 1pm. I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned our fish before, she’s a blue crowntail beta and was probably the most spoiled beta in the world since she had her very own 10 gallon heated and filtered tank. Well, we walked into the house and it was just as cold inside as outside. The furnace was off. The fish was dead. Bummer. Something happened with a power outage because all the clocks were blinking. We got the furnace started again at least. I was pretty sad that our fish died. She was my very first pet in my whole life! It’s strange to sort of grieve for a fish. It helps to remind myself that a fish isn’t much more than a house plant and I kill those all the time.

That’s all for now. Boys: I need you to send me fantasies….masturbating is so much fun these days. 🙂

I have some news.

Well, dear readers, the unexpected has happened. This time there is a real reason for my recent absence on the blog. It is something that has irrevocably changed my sex life forever. Something I can’t go back and do over. Something that scares the hell out of me.

I’m pregnant.

I’ve been married to Jack for coming up on 10 years. For the first 6 years we didn’t use protection or birth control pills (this was before current lifestyle began). After not getting pregnant for 6 years (as well as some medical reasons) I assumed, along with my doctors, that I would never conceive without medical intervention.

That brings us to July. I switched from the regular birth control pill to the kind where I’d only have a period 4 times a year. There were a few weeks during the transition where I did not take any pills. We weren’t playing with anyone at the time so I didn’t even think to take other precautions with my husband since there was no way I’d get pregnant in my mind.

I didn’t find out until 10/31 that I was indeed knocked up. The thought hadn’t even crossed my mind until there was no period at the end of the three months of new pills like there should have been. I took a home test on that fateful Halloween evening, and got the scare of my life. Positive. Tested again the following morning and it was positive again.

I went to the doctor Monday afternoon and the blood test confirmed that I wasn’t just pregnant, but very pregnant (meaning much more than a few weeks along). Turned out I was 17 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby.

How did I not know I was pregnant? Well, I never got the nausea most women experience. I was tired all the time starting in July, but I just thought it was because we’d just moved house and I was tired from that. Followed by me having H1N1 in early October; basically I always had a legitimate excuse to be tired. My boobs did really hurt, but that was one of the side effects listed on the new birth control pills I was taking. They REALLY hurt, too. Jack kept commenting on how big they were, but I hadn’t noticed a real change until I looked at a picture of myself naked and compared it to older such pictures. MUCH bigger, and I was already quite large in that department.

So, now I’m 22 weeks along and I’m still trying to figure out how the hell I’m going to be a mother. Even though I’m 32 and married I still feel like the teenager who finds herself knocked up in high school.

Overall, I’m super happy this is happening. Don’t get me wrong, I always wanted a child…..someday. I just thought that we should wait until I have the sort of employment where I can get maternity leave. Self-employed, freelance musicians certainly do not get anything of the sort.

This is, for lack of a better word, a miracle. The look on Jack’s face when he looks at me now is amazing. He’s soooo thrilled to be a father. He’s been ready for a really long time.

Seeing the baby on the ultrasound screen was an experience I can’t even describe. We saw it moving around. They printed out some 3-D pictures of the baby’s face as well as another 2-D picture of the bottom of it’s foot! How cute!

I’m stunned by what my body is doing. I can feel the baby moving around. It usually feels like gentle pokes like if someone were tapping you on your arm to get your attention. But starting today the baby started poking me with some bony appendage. That’s a bit annoying and I know it will only get “worse” the bigger the baby gets.

So, there you have it. I got myself knocked up by Jack (and it’s MOST DEFINITELY Jack’s baby, stop thinking that, people!!! lol). I’m due in April. We have tentatively decided to stop “playing” especially with new people. We might see D again for some basically vanilla fun, but no V or anyone else. We may change our mind, but my sex drive has sort of hidden itself behind all this mommy/hormone crap.

Can you even imagine Jack and Mia being parents!??!?

I would have rather….

I would have rather stayed in bed with Jack and just played all morning. Instead he got up and went to work before I even woke up. It’s yucky weather outside and I’d much rather be in bed playing with his cock.

Last night he masturbated for me. I was too tired for sex, but his cock was hard and ready to go after I was playing with it. He was fantasizing about a bunch of men just cumming all over me without even touching me. I’m torn about this fantasy because I like to be submissive, but I like to be touched, too! Just being a cum receptacle doesn’t turn me on, but if Jack or D MADE me do it that would be hot. Now, if all the men fucked me or if I sucked their cocks or even just touched their cocks then having them cum all over me would be really hot. I do really like to watch men touch themselves…..especially in person. Seeing how they touch themselves when they are alone just gets me going for some reason.

I have to drive to go to work today…longer than my usual daily commute of 45 min. Today I have to drive 100 minutes in each direction… the rain…..when I’m horny. Let’s hope I don’t go off the road!

New post.

There is a new addition to the post below.

Four is sometimes fun.

Ok, where to start. Guess the beginning is as good a place as any. We got to their new apartment a little after 6pm last night. We sat down had a glass of wine and basically caught up. We hadn’t seen them since we had coffee last spring.

After we had chatted for about 30 minutes we decided to go to the bedroom. D tied Mrs. D to a chair. Then he took off my glasses, which is how he starts every session with me. He kissed me then took my clothes off. He had me kneel on hands and knees on the bed so that my ass was facing the chair. He started spanking my ass and pussy while also opening up my pussy lips so she could see my cunt.

He spanked me until I started to feel like I needed to stop, but again he always seems to know when to change things up. He flogged my back and ass with the really heavy flogger that I sooooo love. While he spanked and flogged me he would stick his fingers inside my cunt to get them wet (because it really turns me on to get spanked like that) then forced his fingers into her mouth and made her lick them clean.

Then he fucked me while his new wife watched. I had forgotten just how good his cock feels inside me. I had my first orgasm with his cock inside me.

Next he untied Mrs. D and put her face in my pussy. D had me lay down on the bed on my back and he forced her to lick me while he fucked her from behind. He also came up and shoved his cock in my mouth.

Too tired to continue tonight…..will write more tomorrow.


I would have done this earlier tonight, but our internet went down for a few hours.

The rest of the night was kind of a blur because it was basically the four of us just doing whatever felt good. I’ll just recount things that happened, but I don’t know the order anymore…..was too turned on at the time!

At one point D had me straddle his wife’s face so she could lick me as he got behind me and fucked me. Jack came and shoved his cock in my mouth. That was the first time I’ve been licked and fucked at the same time. Jack’s cock in my mouth was the icing on the cake. I could suck his cock for hours!

I was laying on my back next to Mrs. D on her back while D alternated fucking one of us while groping and kissing the other or fucking our faces while fingering the other. He played with our tits, sat in Mrs. D’s face (that’s a huge turn on for her), kissed us, licked our clits, made us kiss some more. Jack licked both of us, fucked me, Mrs. D and I both sucked his cock. Jack didn’t participate as much as he would have because he’s still coughing and gets winded very easily (getting over the flu). But he did take pictures.

When D finally decided to cum he shot it all over Mrs. D and I. It was really hot!!!!! That was it.

I got fucked so much (by both guys) that my pussy is sore. It was so nice to see D again. I think I was worried how things would change after he got married. I had nothing to worry about. It was even more fun having her there, too. He still paid just as much attention to me. I never felt left out or awkward. As many of you know, I don’t really like women in general. I have few female friends and pretty much just think all women are bitches – including me. I really like Mrs. D. Not only was the sex part fun, I like just chatting with her. D is sooooo much happier now. She’s really good for him.

After we all put our clothes on we sat back down and had some drinks while Mrs. D made dinner. She served us the tastiest quiche. She just whipped it up. I couldn’t believe it. Apparently she is a really good cook. I look forward to enjoying more of her cooking and friendship. Their new apartment is only a few blocks away from where I teach lessons.